This is chapter 1 of a novel I’m writing called Cathedral.
“It’s the onions.”
Johanna sniffled and wiped her eye with the back of her hand. She stood above a cutting board with red rings around her eyes and tears coming down her face.
“Of course,” Eric said. He smiled softly. “As requested.” He placed a saucepan and some utensils on the counter. “The Carringtons said good luck. I told them your parents were coming over tonight and mine were coming over tomorrow.”
Johanna sniffled and rolled her eyes. “I think they’re still probably happy about all of the stuff they got when we downsized.”
Eric looked out of the kitchen window to see his patio furniture and athletic equipment in his neighbor’s backyard. His eyes scanned the walls and he wondered which rooms held the books, furniture, clothes, and electronics they had taken.
The only rooms in his and Johanna’s house that were still furnished were the nursery and the rooms that needed to look occupied for dinner that night and the next. Johanna had been ready to get rid of everything, but Eric had a flair for theater and thought that having tonight’s dinner in a restaurant or a barren house might have been too much of a shock for Johanna’s parents. Something about saying what might be their last goodbye in a restaurant seemed cold. And they both figured the news would be enough, he didn’t want them to have the lingering memory of the empty house.
Eric started preparing the vegetables. Next to him on the counter, he eyeballed the four largest steaks he could find in the grocery store. When he bought them he was excited because he was unsure that he would ever eat a slab of meat like that again. His chest tightened at the marbled beef. Johanna peeled potatoes. They both listened in to little Billy sleeping.
“I missed those potatoes.” Eric said.
Johanna smiled, “Well yeah, it’s a special occasion.” The potatoes in question were an old family recipe that called for a lot of salt, butter, and garlic. Johanna had become something of a health and fitness fanatic for the last few years, trading in buttery mashed potatoes for mostly greens, and picking up some intense exercise habits, even running a marathon the year before she got pregnant with Billy.
They mostly worked in silence for the next half hour. Eric sauteed vegetables and seared steaks while Johanna boiled and then mashed potatoes and prepared a salad. Johanna was intent on the cooking while Eric kept looking up to her. He offered her a subtle smile, sad around the eyes, and she smiled back, her eyes still a bit red from the onions. As they worked in silence he kept stealing glances at her, and he smiled at her again, but this time she gave a soft, closed-mouth, half-hearted smile. Later, he smiled at her a third time and she did not return it. His eyebrows went up just a bit and she shook her head.
“It’s nice, this.” He said. “I’ll miss this kitchen.”
She shook her head, bit her lip, and turned back to mash the potatoes. “I can’t do that. Not before my parents get here.”
He removed the last two steaks to a rack to cool and took a half step to comfort her when, as if on cue, then he heard a car door shut in front of the house.
“That’s them.” She said, without turning around. “Can you let them in so they don’t wake Billy up?”
“Sure,” Eric said. He made sure the range was off and washed his hands, then paced through the living room to the front door. At the front door, he put his hand on the doorknob then hung his head for a moment and closed his eyes. His eyelids were heavy and his throat was sore. His chin had a slight tension and his eyes stung. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly then when he stood up he was smiling big. He opened the door and stepped out.
“Hey!” He said in sort of a loud stage whisper. “Billy is still napping. We thought you might want to get him up.”
Johanna’s parents were still walking up from the car. Johanna and her mother Cheryl looked and moved similarly. But it was her father Walter that she shared the most with. They had a similar face. When Eric told Cheryl and Walter that one of them could wake up Billy, he saw Johanna in Walter’s face in the way that his eyes lit up and he smiled. Then Cheryl laughed too because she knew what was about to happen. Walter immediately broke into a light jog up into the house, “Good to see ya,” he smiled then patted Eric on the back and went straight for the nursery. He had trained Johanna for the marathon so they had a similar gait.
Cheryl was still laughing when she got to the door. “He loves his grandson.” Eric and Cheryl hugged. “Good to see you.” She pulled away slowly, smiling. “Everything alright?”
He smiled, “Oh yeah! Of course.” He said, looking at her. She cocked her head slightly and wrinkled her eyebrows. He chuckled nervously and said, “oh well I mean we were just getting dinner ready and cutting onions before I came out here, maybe that’s what you mean?”
She smiled, “Yeah of course, that’s probably it.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “ It smells great, let’s go take a look.”
In the kitchen, Johanna hugged Cheryl and they all poured drinks. Eric began moving food to the dinner table, and Walter came into the room singing and dancing, holding a giggling baby Billy.
They sat down at the table and Walter led them in a prayer. They talked and laughed but mostly paid attention to Billy. The evening had started later than it usually did, as had Billy’s nap. The goal was to feed Billy and get him back down to sleep for the night. The conversation was pleasant and the first parts of the meal mostly concerned the food and watching little Billy eat.
“He’s like you,” Walter said, talking to Johanna but looking at Billy, “stubborn.” He smiled at Johanna and Eric.
“You mean he’s like you!” She said back and they all laughed.
“You’re lucky I’m stubborn! Look at what it got you!” Walter said nodding his head to Eric and looking around at the house.
Eric laughed and then raised his eyebrows at her and shrugged.
“Please.” Johanna said.
“Seriously,” Walter said. “Your stubbornness has worked out for you. I was a track star. Boy, I could run. I could have taught her to run her whole life. She was never interested. She wanted to do science. She threw away all the shoes I ever bought her. So we said, ‘you know what?’ I guess she’s got her mind on that. We’ll do that. And what does she do? Science fair. Science fair. Statewide science fair. Scholarship after scholarship. Fellowship. Ph.D. And now she’s putting people on the Ark. Wow, I mean–”
“Dad, really, I just–” Johanna tried to interject.
“But! But—I mean, hey, so then three years ago she says, ‘hey Dad, I started running.’ I think to myself, ‘OK,’ wow. Finally, something I can teach her. And so we start together. And within a year I take her out to run our first half together, and what does she do?!”
Walter looked to Cheryl who rolled her eyes. “What does she do?” Eric said with theatrical enthusiasm, even though he had heard the story many times.
“She beats me! She beats me by a good ten minutes. On her first try!” Walter said. “But she did it with my genes. I was very proud. As I’ve always been.”
They all chuckled. Billy swatted his water cup to the ground and began to cry. “I think it might be time,” Johanna says to Eric.
“OK,” Eric says. “Come on bud.” He picked up Billy.
Cheryl and Walter both stood up and gave Billy alternating hugs and kisses, then Eric carried him away from the table to his bedroom.
“Let me pack some of this up for you all,” Johanna said.
“Sure,” Walter said.
“Coffee?” Johanna asked.
“No thank you,” Walter said.
“I’ll have some,” Cheryl said.
Johanna turned to make coffee and Cheryl walked to a cabinet. “That’s OK! I’ve got the sugar here,” Johanna said quickly holding out some small, single-serve packets, but it was too late. Cheryl opened the cabinet to find it bare. She opened the next cabinet and it was also bare.
Eric walked back into the kitchen. Cheryl stood puzzled before the bare, open cabinets and Walter looked back from Cheryl to Johanna. Johanna breath’s quickened and her jaw clenched, her face shifted back and forth from scared to impatient. She opened her mouth to speak when Eric cut her off.
“Why don’t we take our coffee in the living room?” He said, in a deeper, firmer tone than he’d spoken in all evening. Walter and Johanna looked at Cheryl.
“OK,” Cheryl said. She and Walter walked to the living room. Eric nodded to her and followed them. A few moments later, Johanna brought a tray in with three cups of coffee.
“So?” Cheryl clasped both hands gingerly around her cup. “What is the big news?”
Johanna took a big sip of coffee and then wiped a tear from the corner of her eye with the back of a finger. She sat up straight but had to exhale hard and ended up shaking her hands in front of her as if to dry something wet off of them.
Eric began, “We weren’t sure how to approach this. We love you both very much. There are times when you have to decide between competing priorities when there are different things that are important to you and you have to make difficult decisions. I wish there was an easy way that we could have it all–” Johanna put her hand on Eric’s leg.
She exhaled and shook her head. “Let me.”
He nodded and sat back in his chair.
“Mom, Dad.” She looked at them both and sat up. She winced as if she was about to cry very hard and a tear rolled down her face. Then she breathed through her nose and got clear. “You have always supported me. I know you have not always understood my work. I know you have not always understood the Ark. But since I was ten years old, it has been my dream to be one of the people who built the first real spaceship. Without you, I would not be who I am today. Without you, I would not be a scientist. Because I have never had to wonder if I was loved, or wonder if I was supported, or wonder where my next meal would come from, or where I was going to have to stay, I have been able to join the team and made a difference in building the Ark. It is going to work. It is built. It is in orbit. People are going to get in it and take off for another star this year. Humankind is going to live in another solar system. And my name is etched into the ark. Our name! And I owe that to you all.”
During her speech, Walter and Cheryl had grabbed each other’s hands and leaned together. They were smiling at one another and Walter’s eyes had even begun to water a bit. Johanna had thanked them at various junctures before: graduation, promotions, different dinners. But they were visibly touched by this kind of gratitude.
“Baby, you did that. We just loved you is all.” Cheryl said.
“You had it all in you,” Walter said.
Johanna let out a small sob and took a deep breath. “As one of the lead engineers, I was offered a chance to be an alternate passenger.”
Chery’s face went blank and she sat up and away from Walter. Walter furrowed his brows and his eyes widened and he fell back against the couch.
Johanna continued. “I didn’t think anything would come of it. I never expected to get the offer. I took it for many reasons, partially because I thought it would be a good career move. But also because I was interested in the idea of being on the Ark.”
Cheryl moved up to the edge of the couch.
“One week ago, they told me that a spot opened up, and my number was called. They asked me, Eric, and Billy if we wanted to take our places on the Ark.”
Tears streamed down Johanna’s face. She looked out the window, then down at the floor, then up at the ceiling. She forced herself to look directly into her mother’s eyes. “We told them that we will take the spot.”
Walter and Cheryl moved apart. While Walter sank back into the couch and stared out into nothing, shocked, Cheryl perched up on the edge of the couch and immediately launched into questions.
“The Ark is forever,” Cheryl said. “They are not coming back.”
Johanna exhaled through her nose and solemnly nodded.
“What about Billy?” Cheryl asked.
“Mom, obviously he’d come with us. They will have full schools up to a university, and only the best healthcare.” Johanna answered.
“And the house?” Cheryl asked.
Johanna detailed how the Ark Corporation spared no expense in selling their house and settling all their affairs in order over the last week. Cheryl asked dozens of questions, from the mundane to the outrageous, changing in tone from pleading to accusatory, all over the map for nearly an hour. Johanna kept a calm tone, quietly, with love, answering each one, with Eric only occasionally adding in a detail here or there that she missed. Walter just sat, occasionally nodding, borderline catatonic on the couch, staring into space.
Eventually, Cheryl circled back and began to ask some of the same questions again and Johanna told her she was asking the same questions. Looking around the room, Cheryl grasped for something, anything. “And you’re not ready–people train for years to get ready to join the Ark–you haven’t trained for that.”
Walter’s eyes came online. He smiled then looked at Johanna and chuckled. They all looked at him. He paused and looked at the floor for a moment, then sat up and moved next to Cheryl on the edge of the couch and broke into a full belly laugh.
Johanna’s resolve had started to crack and there was a subtle fear showing. Some part of her deep down was afraid her father had lost his mind–that he could not handle it. Eric was uncomfortable. He was worried something similar would happen. He just wanted to make everyone feel better but wasn’t sure what to say. Cheryl started to worry but quickly became upset. “Walter. Walter? Walter! Walter, what’s funny?”
Walter was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. He took a deep breath and started to slowly wipe his eyes. “These last few years, you joining me on the trails, running those marathons, cooking healthy, exercising. I thought you wanted a new hobby–hell, I don’t know what I thought.” He looked right at Johanna. He was kind but direct. “You were training.” He shifted his weight and turned his knees toward Cheryl. “Honey, they just got the call to join the Ark last week, but they’ve been alternates for years. Their mind is made up.”
“Isn’t that right Johanna?” Walter looked to Johanna, at which point, her face became pinched, and the tears began to stream down her face.
Walter looked back. A dozen small muscles rippled across Cheryl’s face as the realization set in, and that was when she began to cry. Cheryl was a strong woman. Eric was not sure he had ever seen her cry–Walter was the more emotive of the pair. But today, this was a running makeup, outright grimace.
The discussion was over. It was just goodbye now.
Johanna ran across the room and sat on the couch between her parents: world-renowned scientist, soon-to-be astronaut and interstellar pilgrim, collapsed into a puddle, crying and strewn across her parents’ laps. Cheryl made a loud noise that was part moan, part sigh, and Eric could hear Billy cry from his room. He volunteered to get up and take Billy a bottle.
In the nursery, Eric folded his leg and put Billy into the crook of his knee and fed him the bottle then listened to the soft moans and talk outside the room. It took nearly half an hour and when he came out, Walter and Cheryl were gone. The plates were still on the table and none of the dishes were done, and Johanna was lying down on the couch under a blanket.
“Come on, let’s get you to the bedroom,” Eric said.
“OK,” Johanna said, barely awake. “I told them we have a week. They are going home to process and said they will clear everything and want to come back as much as they can.”
“Good,” Eric said.
“Thanks for letting my parents come over first,” Johanna said.
“No problem.”
“Telling your Mom will probably not be such a production.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” Johanna said, lying down on the bare mattress in their empty bedroom.
“I’m going to go down and clean up,” Eric said, “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Eric went gingerly down the stairs and stopped at the kitchen. He looked down at the sink and his throat hurt and his eyes burned. He squinted his eyes shut. He walked outside, opening and closing the back door as quietly as possible then sat on the ground against the house, took out his phone, and made a phone call. He dialed the same number three times.
“Hello?”
“Mom?” Eric said.
“Hi honey, is everything alright?” Eric’s Mom said.
“Mom, I need to talk to you about tomorrow.”
“What’s wrong?”
“The thing is–” Eric put his hand over the receiver of the phone and held it away from his face, then he made a little squeal noise. He was doing everything he could not to cry. “The thing is, we’re having you over to give you some news. It’s mixed news, but I’m afraid it’s mostly not good news . . . not for you.”
“Oh, oh no. I’m sorry. What’s wrong?”
“For Johanna’s work Mom, we’ve been called up to go on the Ark. All three of us.”
After a few moments, Eric’s Mom exhaled and said, “Well, I’m going to miss you very much. I love you all so much. But I know how much this means to Johanna, and to you too. But I’ve been preparing for this for a long time. I knew it might happen”
Eric’s head started spinning and his heart started racing. He even forgot he was sad for a moment. “What? How could you know?”
“Well I mean, Johanna’s so smart and so determined, and she works building the Ark, and you love her so much and are so supportive. Plus ever since your father died, I have just had to be a lot more ready for things to go either way.”
“Mom, when you say it like that it sounds so depressing,” Eric said, starting to get upset that his mother might turn this into making her a long-suffering mother.
“No Eric, it’s not like that. It’s just that since I have been preparing, I have been able to cherish my time with you both and Billy that much more. I don’t want you to go, but I am glad I suspected it.”
There was a pause for a minute as Eric wondered what to even say to that, when his Mom said, “but why are you calling me now? Weren’t you going to tell me tomorrow?” Eric’s tears started to well up. His mom continued, “How are you handling it?”
Eric said, “Obviously I’m glad we’re going. I’m happy to support Johanna. I’m happy with the mission. But you know Mom.” Eric meant to exhale but he accidentally whimpered. He heard his mother’s voice catch in her breath. “Mom, I know that I’m just a teacher who writes now, but there’s always been this idea in the back of my head I might write a poem or a book of poetry that will mean something to someone.” Eric took several deep breaths to let his chin quiver settle so he wouldn’t cry before he finished his thought. “Getting on a spaceship with 100,000 engineers, I don’t know if there will even be another person who reads poetry.”
“Eric, first of all, let me say how proud your father would be of you if he could hear you now.” Eric had to stop and find the mute button on his phone and put his mother on speaker, so he could hear her over the sound of himself crying and she wouldn’t hear him. His mother continued, “But also Eric, engineers read poetry too. And even if they don’t, their kids will. And even if they don’t, some of their kids will. Keep writing because it is what makes you who you are.”
Eric took a few deep breaths and said, “thanks, Mom.” but didn’t unmute for her to hear it. Then his mother continued. “And poetry is about inspiration and beauty, and if you think about it, this idea that you are going to get on this ship, and dedicate your life to the people you love, and a mission you understand, and a purpose you care about, and will never again have to wonder for a second what you are doing with your life–something is inspiring and beautiful about that. That is its own kind of poetry.”
Eric unmuted the phone. “Thanks Mom.” He wiped his nose on the back of his hand.“I love you.”
“I love you too, Eric.” They both sat in silence for a few moments. “It’s getting late. I’ll see you tomorrow. This call never happened.”
He let out a subdued chuckle, “of course, he said.”
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This was interesting to read, and left me with a lot of mixed emotions.
The scientist’s mother resonated with me the most, I feel like you portrayed her anxiety and interrogation so realistically it made me a bit emotional. And I felt like I understood her the most.
I can’t ever imagine how people who do extraordinary new things like this feel, especially if it involves such a huge sacrifice. But with the way things progress, this may be a reality some day, though it remains science fiction at current. These conversations are going to be some of the most significant parts for individuals, though the overarching thoughts are often about the magnitude of a project like this fictional one happening.
We can face change, our own mortality, much better than the loss of others, or sharing that someone we love will lose us. It would be heartbreaking.
The scientist’s father realizing they didn’t share a hobby, her mother realizing she won’t see her baby or grand baby again, and the poet’s mother accepting it but perhaps losing the most. Ugh. You got me.
Yes, same as Vicky, I found this to be quickly emotional. Granted, I cry at insurance commercials, but all the same I think this is very well written Charlie.