I think we often think there is a status quote or objective "weird" - this essay was a beautiful reminder that "weird" is complex and subjective. I read the line, "Weirdness is a construct that is a stand-in for other people’s expectations." over and over again. If we wrote to fulfill expectation, our writing would assimilate into easily categorized topics. This essay has no category - it is refreshing and juicy, just like oysters :)
I'm so proud of you. You've very talented, but more importantly, you're genuine, to yourself and to others. And that's rare. Like a pearl inside an oyster.
What beautiful words, Julie. I am also won over by Charlie's openness and talent. Even though this is the first article I've read, I'm sure the others will be just as interesting to me.🧡
I found this via the TLDR newsletter, and I am not at all disappointed. Wonderful pondering of society's expectations and the restrictions it forces upon us all. Will be back to read your newest works - keep being awesome!
What a brilliant “sorting hat” this statement is Charlie. It’s like you invented a mental screwdriver and I’m sitting here wondering how it is this tool never existed before. Your explanation of how our perception of “weird” is a divining rod to locate our fears of judgment is so simple and insightful. I’ve been encouraging weird behavior for professionals for years, but also have come to realize that what truly feels right for some people is actually fairly mainstream, but the way you’ve worded your tool makes it work like a crescent wrench, perfectly adjustable to each person and situation.
This is such a great question to ask. Nice one, Charlie. I've been thinking for a while that a good self-question when writing something is "Could this be weirder?" which is a nice shove towards originality. But yours is a better take.
(By the way, found this via Hacker News, if you're wondering at a burst of traffic right now...)
I thought about this a lot, because it's not just, "do weird stuff!" But rather, if you have a complex decision and a lot of equally appealing options, the one you think is weirdest is probably actually the best one. This is because the sense that it's weird is actually a way of saying, "despite the fact that I have fears about what other people will think, I feel as good about this option as I do about safer, more conventional ones."
So I think people should continue to try and make decisions that make sense. But also understand that honoring your intuition is good, because the best decision decision may not make sense in a way logically available to you at the time you make it.
In my opinion, your question is also an excellent one. I would first ask, "What's the weirdest thing that feels right?" and then, to refine my idea, ask, "Could this be weirder?"
Why do some HN users feel like they need to advertise and spam where they're coming from... No one else does this. HN is not special you creep. In fact it is the least free of many places, and its active users live in a strange bubble.
I have a long-time rule of thumb that has never let me down: if I'm in a restaurant, and I don't have something specific in mind that I want for dinner, then I order the weirdest-sounding item on the menu. The first big win was the Cocoa Crepes with Lobster, at Parkway Grill in Pasadena, back in the previous millennium.
I will be going to my gymnastics class in an hour. I am definitely doing the weirdest thing that feels right. I love it, and am happy doing it. You have figured it out!
Wow, that's a lot of food for thought. Thank you for sharing your story, your experiences, and what you have come to in your life. Choosing the right decisions every time is a challenge for me, especially when it takes so little time. Your way out of this difficult situation gave me a reason to remember my decisions in life, where I preferred strange actions to the "right" ones. Perhaps it works for me as well. And your thoughts on what we consider strange - I absolutely agree with that.
I hope your writing journey is successful, the most important thing is that you yourself enjoy it. Be happy!🧡🧡
May 10, 2023·edited May 10, 2023Liked by Charlie D. Becker
Does going to a dog park and running on all fours fit into this paradigm? Asking for a friend...but real talk good concept and approach to problem solving...if there is no right or wrong is there a weird? Linking to one of my favorite literary Weird Al songs to soundtrack this piece...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUQDzj6R3p4 ... great article Charlie!
I think we often think there is a status quote or objective "weird" - this essay was a beautiful reminder that "weird" is complex and subjective. I read the line, "Weirdness is a construct that is a stand-in for other people’s expectations." over and over again. If we wrote to fulfill expectation, our writing would assimilate into easily categorized topics. This essay has no category - it is refreshing and juicy, just like oysters :)
Absolutely right, Haley. Strangeness is a deeply complex and subjective concept.
I'm so proud of you. You've very talented, but more importantly, you're genuine, to yourself and to others. And that's rare. Like a pearl inside an oyster.
What beautiful words, Julie. I am also won over by Charlie's openness and talent. Even though this is the first article I've read, I'm sure the others will be just as interesting to me.🧡
Beautifully stated! I’m going to do the same!!!
I found this via the TLDR newsletter, and I am not at all disappointed. Wonderful pondering of society's expectations and the restrictions it forces upon us all. Will be back to read your newest works - keep being awesome!
Introspection is critical most of us just go from moment to moment. Excellent observation.
You've hit on an original question that keeps you (and others) true to themselves. And we are all better for it!
I absolutely agree with you, Lindsay. Charlie has given us such a seemingly uncomplicated question to ask ourselves, but no less valuable.
What a brilliant “sorting hat” this statement is Charlie. It’s like you invented a mental screwdriver and I’m sitting here wondering how it is this tool never existed before. Your explanation of how our perception of “weird” is a divining rod to locate our fears of judgment is so simple and insightful. I’ve been encouraging weird behavior for professionals for years, but also have come to realize that what truly feels right for some people is actually fairly mainstream, but the way you’ve worded your tool makes it work like a crescent wrench, perfectly adjustable to each person and situation.
loved this idea. Your writing is always a joy and this is no excpetion. Can't wait to see where you go next into the weird places in your heart.
This is such a great question to ask. Nice one, Charlie. I've been thinking for a while that a good self-question when writing something is "Could this be weirder?" which is a nice shove towards originality. But yours is a better take.
(By the way, found this via Hacker News, if you're wondering at a burst of traffic right now...)
Hey, thanks! I was wondering, actually.
I thought about this a lot, because it's not just, "do weird stuff!" But rather, if you have a complex decision and a lot of equally appealing options, the one you think is weirdest is probably actually the best one. This is because the sense that it's weird is actually a way of saying, "despite the fact that I have fears about what other people will think, I feel as good about this option as I do about safer, more conventional ones."
So I think people should continue to try and make decisions that make sense. But also understand that honoring your intuition is good, because the best decision decision may not make sense in a way logically available to you at the time you make it.
Dear Charlie,
Humbly, you remind me of what David Perell said to his parents:
“I’ve got the worst plan for two years, but the best plan for ten.“
In my opinion, your question is also an excellent one. I would first ask, "What's the weirdest thing that feels right?" and then, to refine my idea, ask, "Could this be weirder?"
Why do some HN users feel like they need to advertise and spam where they're coming from... No one else does this. HN is not special you creep. In fact it is the least free of many places, and its active users live in a strange bubble.
You seem nice.
I have a long-time rule of thumb that has never let me down: if I'm in a restaurant, and I don't have something specific in mind that I want for dinner, then I order the weirdest-sounding item on the menu. The first big win was the Cocoa Crepes with Lobster, at Parkway Grill in Pasadena, back in the previous millennium.
A great article with a great mantra that appeared at just the right time. Thanks.
I will be going to my gymnastics class in an hour. I am definitely doing the weirdest thing that feels right. I love it, and am happy doing it. You have figured it out!
This is exactly the kind of counterintuitive life advice that I love. And frankly, that the internet loves :) Keeping doing weird stuff, Charlie!
This was good, thanks.
Wow, that's a lot of food for thought. Thank you for sharing your story, your experiences, and what you have come to in your life. Choosing the right decisions every time is a challenge for me, especially when it takes so little time. Your way out of this difficult situation gave me a reason to remember my decisions in life, where I preferred strange actions to the "right" ones. Perhaps it works for me as well. And your thoughts on what we consider strange - I absolutely agree with that.
I hope your writing journey is successful, the most important thing is that you yourself enjoy it. Be happy!🧡🧡
Thank you for your kind and insightful comment, Sabrina!
Does going to a dog park and running on all fours fit into this paradigm? Asking for a friend...but real talk good concept and approach to problem solving...if there is no right or wrong is there a weird? Linking to one of my favorite literary Weird Al songs to soundtrack this piece...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUQDzj6R3p4 ... great article Charlie!