To go and lay down in that sense of it.

Castles in the Sky #58

In 2022, I was bottle-feeding my newborn daughter late at night and decided to put on the new Tony Hawk biopic. I hoped it would entertain and teach me about the man whose name was on the video game that occupied much of my adolescence. What I did not expect was that one short interview of another skateboarder toward the end of the film would teach me about my father, my career, and the role that purpose plays in our lives. 

The other skateboarder is Rodney Mullen. It’s arguable that if Tony Hawk is the most famous skateboarder to the world at large, Mullen is the most famous skateboarder to skateboarders. My first thought in watching him talk was about all of the small business owners I work with. 

In ninety seconds, Mullen lays out why he keeps skating as he ages even though his body is falling apart. I thought of all those small business owners I know who get up at dawn to open the store, who work all night, who do it not for the hustle or for the grind, but because they love it, and because it's what they value, and because it's who they are and they can't be any other way. He ends his interview like this: 

When I'm done with this, that will be what it is, and I'll find a way. But there's something inside of me propelling that I'm not going to give up until the wheels fall off. That's what I'm made of. I see all the arguments against it, but I wish I could relate the intangibles to you. My guess is that we're all built the same. None of us are completely stupid--a little deranged, I think a strong argument [could be made], I do. But ultimately, we also know what we have. And to go and lay down in that sense of it, that's like embracing what we've done with our lives.

"To go and lay down in the sense of it" is such a powerful turn of phrase. First: "to lay down." To be comforted. To be at rest. To be enveloped. Then: "in the sense of it." The understanding. The wholeness. The pieces fitting together. Altogether, you might say, to look back and be at peace with the full picture of one's life, one's self.

After thinking for a while about the small business owners, my thoughts turned to my Dad. 

Most people don’t think of a bookstore as a physically strenuous job, but it is. But well into his mid-sixties, my Dad carries dozens of boxes of books weighing at least forty pounds each a week. He's constantly reaching, kneeling, squatting, and bending to find books. Not to mention constantly breathing in the dusty particulate. 

This is just the physical wear and tear. Beyond that is the emotional and psychological toll of being a small business owner. He has kept the business alive and thriving through savvy and sheer force of will at the same time that the world’s largest tech company was born on the back of book sales, decimating his industry peers.

Rodney Mullen said, “there’s something inside of me propelling that I’m not going to give up until the wheels fall off.” Replace wheels with something bookish, and this could be my Dad talking about the bookstore. I’ve asked him about retirement and his answer is always clear:

"I might take time off, but I’ll leave the store feet first. Even if just for a day a week, I will always work in the bookstore."

My Dad's far from humorless–he's quite funny actually. But, like Mullen, he has a deep, profound side too. He is immediately in touch with what matters most to him in a way most people either envy or just can’t understand. He’s always connected to the immediacy and importance of his work, and how it fits into the world. 

Growing up in the bookstore is why I have the day job I do: helping non-traditional small business owners get started. I love working with them because even though they make money from the work, some of them (like my Dad), do it for a different kind of reward. They do it because they are like Mullen and the other aging skateboarders. It’s how they are built. There is something inside propelling them forward and they won’t stop until the wheels fall off. 

Once they find that sense of purpose, it’s contagious. More people see it. If I could be inspired by this two-minute clip, imagine getting to spend time in real life with someone who is in tune with their purpose. The world needs more people like that, and more examples to look up to. Because we are all looking for some sense of purpose, and we all deserve a chance to go and lay down in that sense of it.

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I originally wrote a longer version of this essay in 2022.

I highly encourage you to watch the whole clip of Rodney Mullen—it’s only 90 seconds.